Hot For Dorothy
by WhiteLadyDragon
Summary: Chazz the lonesome loser grows desperate to win Lexi's love, so Atticus prepares a magical salad. But when the tables are turned, Chazz ends up eating it...and falling for Miss Dorothy! Sheppard is not pleased. FOR DIAPERS!
1. Hot For Dorothy!

**_Disclaimer:_ I do not own any/ all characters featured in this segment. I rent. They all belong to Kazuki Takahashi. **

**Yes, yes, I've got things to update. But Diapers and I teamed up to write something. ****It's a Chazz x Dorothy x Sheppard story. Yay for love triangles! (Most of the credit goes to old Phoenix. It was mostly her idea.) **

**_WARNINGS! _This fiction contains excessive and clumsy wording, breaking the fourth wall, a small appearance of an OC, cheap cartoon antics, crude jokes, a spot of self-criticism, magical salad bru-hah-hah, _possible_ OOC-ness, Chazz-torturing, a half-baked duel and doomed romance. Stupidity galore!**

**Who said that V-Day fics are strictly for the exact day?**

_**"HOT FOR DOROTHY"**_

Oh, Valentine's Day. The day when love seizes one by the nostrils like the sickly sweet perfume that it is; more often than not, it's so strong that it knocks their consciousness right out of the park. Well, technically, it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day for that to happen. But it's certainly a wonderful day for the fools to fall in love. And for ones who are already intoxicated, to make even bigger fools of themselves.

If you mustered enough nerve to call Chazz Princeton a fool, he would surely stick a spork or two up your nose in response. But it was true: he was a fool. For the divine Obelisk diva, Alexis Rhodes, that is. When Valentine's Day reared its smelly head, he hastily adopted it as an oppurtunity to successfully woo her.

He'd been trying all year to do this, and had failed miserably, every single time. There wasn't one trick in the book that he hadn't tried: from offering material things, like flowers and jewelry and cars, to appealing to her dueling spirit by challenging her. He'd even tried renting a plane to write her name in the sky (when he tried flying it himself, he ended up spiraling into the Obelisk Blue dorm; it was a miracle that he managed to survive, _and _stay in school! Too bad that his broken bones and internal bleeding hadn't sparked even an ounce of sympathy from Alexis).

By this time, the foul musk of despair had intoxicated the lad as much as love did. As a result, he went against his better judgement and took up a last-- and unusual-- resort: magic. Only one person on Academy Island knew a thing or two about aphrodisiacs.

Atticus Rhodes. People called him other things, as well. Like "Lexi's hot older brother", or "the Duel Academy guru of all things gushy". But I'll bet my last cent, that you didn't expect him to practice mediocre _witchcraft_ (having been taught by the late Professor Banner and his experience as a Shadow Rider had birthed his secret practice).

"Look, I'm not a big magic fan, or anything," he explained, trying to keep a straight face. "But...I dunno what else to do! I've pretty much tried every scheme in the book, except magic!"

Atti flipped through the pages of a small pink booklet, The Book of Romance. "So, you tried flowers? Necklaces, and Ferraris? And dueling her? Whoa, you even tried writing her a romantic message in the sky?"

Chazz nodded at every single scheme the older one threw at him, his face flushing out more than a toilet. "Uh-huh." He was going to say how ashamed he felt, but decided against it. Admitting shame simply did not go with the Book of Chazz.

Atticus stroked his baby-smooth chin. "_Weeeellll..._normally, I would suggest to abstain from the use of magic, 'cause then it'd just not be true love. But, maybe I can find a loophole? What if my little sis really_ is_ in love with you, but is not conscious of it?"

"What the hell do you think I've been trying to tell her?"

"Exactly. So, you wouldn't be trying to _get her to fall in love with you_. You'd just be helping her _realize her already-existing feelings for you._ Catch my drift?"

The lovestruck lad nodded eagerly, clapping his hands together. "So how do we do that, Teacher?"

Atti liked the sound of that name. It made him feel so puffery inside (if that was actually a word). "You just come with me, Student. I've got the perfect concoction that's eleventy-trillion percent fool-proof!"

Little did either of them know, however, was that when one uses magic for the wrong reasons, it will come back to bite your caboose, threefold.

* * *

"A _salad? _I can understand how she'd eat those to maintain her divine figure, but how's a bowl of leafy greens gonna make her aware that she likes me?" Chazz eyed the salad suspiciously, while Atticus was busy washing the contents in a colander. They had only gotten started preparing it, and it was already the healthiest, greenest salad he'd ever laid eyes on! Made him rather uncomfortable.

"Oh, it's not just any salad, my good friend! This is an _endive _salad!"

Chazz had never heard of endive, but refused to admit it.

"Confused, yes?"

"No! I know what endive is...but I wanna make sure _you _know."

Dumping the bits of endive into a bowl, Atticus began to add pieces of chopped onion and crumbled feta cheese. "Well, back in the, uh, old times, endive was used as a sort of potent aphrodisiac. Plus, it's good for the digestive system. It's kinda like a drug, but without side-effects, 'cause it's all-natural! Like my sister!"

"Amen to Lexi's all-natural-ness!"

Afterwards, the older one added a dab of olive oil, a bit of lemon juice, and a shake of salt and pepper, tossing it well (though he did toss some all over the counter and onto Chazz's jacket). For the cherry on top- or in this case, the _olive _on top- he topped it with a light dressing and black olives.

He held it high over his head triumphantly. "_Viola! _It is finished! And may it be served with Cupid's blessing!" He set it back down and blew it a kiss, as though he had created a culinary masterpiece.

He winked at Chazz. "Hey. You're supposed to blow kisses at the salad, too. I gave it the Cupid's Kiss. Now you have to come in and blow kisses at it, while I recite the incantation. Remember to make them loving and sincere!"

That shouldn't have been a problem. When it came to Alexis, he was as sincere as Jaden was gay. And that was _very _sincere. So he puffed out his chest, took a deep breath, and started osculating the air like there was no tomorrow, while Atticus crossed his fingers and chanted,

_"May the one who eats this plant, I plea, _

_Flip for the first soul that they see! _

_"May the two spend their days, sitting in a tree, _

_Just K-I-S-S-I-N-G! _

_"First come love, next come marriage, _

_Then through the park with a pretty baby carriage!_

_"Shoo-be-doo, shoo-be-doo, shoo-be-doo-dah, _

_Hanky-panky hood-nanny, rah, rah, RAH!" _

Chazz was practically out of breath, by the time the chanting was through. He hadn't expected this magic business to be this retarded. But surely, it would all be worth it when his beloved jumped into his arms with fat pink hearts in her eyes? Atticus knew what he was doing. Right?

* * *

That afternoon, he managed to sneak into the girls' locker rooms, using his _supreme ninja skills_, in order to slip an invitation in Alexis's locker. He prayed with all the hope in him that she wouldn't simply throw it in the trash without even considering. She was a blunt, to-the-point kind of girl, so he'd made the note blunt, to-the-point, and not too desperate-sounding...at least, not as desperate as he really was:

_Lex, _

_Meet me in the schoolyard for lunch. As friends. _

_Love, _

_The Chazz_

The part about eating as friends would hook her, for sure!

He was tempted to use his _supreme ninja skills_ to fish something out of there while he was at it, like one of her shoes or--dear Lord--one of her bras! But he didn't. Wouldn't want to leave a bad impression, would he? He was just about to _ninja _himself right out of there, when he whirled around and noticed Mindy standing there, hand over her mouth!

"Chazz!"

He froze up like a computer screen! "Ah, Mindy! Wh-what're you doing here?"

"I should be asking _you _that! Are you, like, raiding Alexis's locker, or something? That's so not fair! Why does Alexis always have the cute guys raiding _her_ locker?"

"NO! I was just...um...ooh, look! Is that a half-off, er, thing on shoes?"

Mindy put her hands on her hips. "Oh, nice try, Chazz! But I'll have you know that me and Lexi and Jas cleaned that out yesterday!"

Chazz rolled his eyes and thought quickly. "You're right, it's just Seto Kaiba showing off his Dragon."

_"SHOWING OFF HIS WHAT?! WHERE?!" _Mindy swerved right around, giving Chazz the perfect oppurtunity to throw down a fire-cracker and escape like a _ninja, _like they do on TV! Well, it made a loud, crackling noise, but it didn't exactly make him disappear and leave a log in his place. So, he just scurried around the corner and threw a log out there. That way, he'd still look cool.

"Hey! There's no Kaiba showing off his Dragon, you liar, liar, pants on--huh? Where'd he go?" She spotted the short, stout log rolling across the linoleum, stopping at her feet. She gasped.

"Oh my God! You turned yourself into a log! Chazz, speak to me!" She picked up that poor little log and shook it like a rattle. No response.

"Hang on, Chazzy! I'll take you to Miss Fontaine, she'll know what to do!"

* * *

Soon, it was lunchtime. Chazz sat on a bench, twiddling his thumbs. But being too proud to let anyone know how anxious he felt, he twiddled them between his legs. Atticus would bring the salads. He sure hoped there wouldn't be a horrible mix-up...no! There would _not _be a mix-up! That just couldn't be possible!

He wondered if Alexis had found his note. Did she throw it away without even reading it? No. That'd be just plain rude, and she was not rude.

Suddenly, the Obelisk Queen appeared, in all her impeccable grace! Chazz's heart nearly leapt out of his chest from just looking at her! _Awright, steady yourself, man! She doesn't like guys who can't keep their cool. _He arose from his seat to stroll up to the girl and hold out a hand.

"Alexis, hey! So glad you could join me for lunch!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "What're you talking about?"

Instantly, his heart sank right down his esophagus. "Didn't you get my note?"

"What note?"

"The one in your locker!"

Suspicion replaced puzzlement as she narrowed her gold eyes. "How'd an invitation to lunch get into my locker?"

_BUSTED! _Chazz thought he'd better change the subject, lest he'd risk getting a red palm mark across his face. "Um, hey! Now that you're here, how's about we sit down, have a little salad, and discuss our future together!"

"What was that last part?"

"Have a little salad."

Smelling a trap, Alexis began to back away. "You know, Chazz? I'm not really that hungry, and I was just on my way to--"

Chazz grabbed her wrist. "Nonsense! You look famished! Come, let us feast!" He pulled her to their bench and shooed off three nameless boys that loitered around it. Except one, who seemed to be glued to his seat. As a matter of fact, he _was_.

"Dude, I can't get up! Did somebody slap glue on this thing or something?"

Alexis shot our hero another suspicious glare. Yep, there was a trap somewhere, all right. And Chazz, sensing that she had sensed this, made a gulp and pointed a derisive finger at the boy. "Bah-hah-hah-hah! Boys today, gluing their butts to the benches because it makes 'em feel like somebody! Here, Lexi, how's about we eat standing up instead? Unless your legs get real tired or something. Then you can...sit on my lap." He grinned, trying not to look as nervous as he felt.

"I'm a very able-bodied individual, thank you."

Suddenly, from out of a tree like a chimpanzee, swung old Atticus, ever the show-off. He landed on his feet and did a somersault towards the two, bearing two plastic plates of salad. Each had a tiny picture on it, attached by a toothpick: crude drawings of Chazz and Alexis's heads.

Somehow, Lex knew that her brother had been in cahoots with Chazz this whole time. He always was.

"Hey, _bon appetit, _you two crazy kids!" he cheered, handing them each sporks and their salad, according to the pictures.

"_We're _the crazy ones?" Alexis asked, taking a brief whiff of her salad. Endive. It wasn't that she didn't like endive; there was just something funny about this particular plate. She could tell just by the way her olives were arranged--deliberately--in the shape of a heart.

"Say, Chazz? I've been thinking..."

The moment she'd said this, his heart leapt into his throat. She hadn't even taken a nibble, and she was about to confess her suppressed love for him! Ooh, was he that good, or what? He fluttered his eyelashes, in an attempt to look cute. But that trick only works when a girl does it. It just doesn't look right when a guy does it.

"Yes, Lex?"

"You've given me such a generous portion of delicious salad...I don't think I can finish it all by myself. Would you like to help me?"

His heart sank right back into his stomach as he sucked in his cheeks. The salad was bewitched! If he took a bite, what if he fell in love with somebody else? There were several other girls out and about!

On the other hand, how could he deny his little Lexi-rama (save the frequent requests to leave her be)? If he did, she'd know that it was jinxed and probably throw the stuff in his face and stomp off. Plus, it pained him to deny her anything. Behind the tree, Atticus whispered, "Uh-oh. She's got you boxed in, hasn't she?"

"Umm...I...maybe I'll--"

"What's wrong, Chazz? You didn't _poison _this salad, did you?" Alexis did her best not to smirk. "Just take one sporkful."

"Uh, well, I-I got my own salad, and--"

"One bite."

"N-No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"No!"

"Yes, I'll take a bite, and that's final!" Completely unaware that Alexis had tricked him, he stabbed the salad with his spork, took a healthy portion of leaves and crammed it into his mouth. But no sooner had he swallowed, did the sharp taste of the food make its full-blown assault on his palate! He gagged! He choked! He dropped his own salad and hopped from one leg to the other! And finally, he spun around on his tiptoes like a ballerina and fell flat on his face, his skinny butt stuck up in the air.

"Oh, man! Chazz, are you okay?" Atticus cried, rushing to his side. And Alexis? Well, she disappeared right after that performance, while neither of them were looking. To see if she could join Jaden and his pals for lunch, instead.

Atti tried to shake the poor Slifer rebel awake. "Chazz! If you can hear my voice, say something! Say _anything! _'Chazz it up', 'You go bye-bye'...oh, no. What have I done? I made _you _go bye-bye, didn't I? I gotta get offa this island, quick!" So he disappeared into the trees. To find a clever desguise and hitchhike to some faraway place, like Singapore or Wisconsin.

But Chazz did not go bye-bye, oh no. Within two minutes, he began to stir again, dazed and light-headed. Seeing purple and green spots flash before his eyes, he rubbed them out with his knuckles. "Oooow, great tight swimtrunks of Ojama King...what happened, last night?"

Then, he saw _her. _Not Alexis, but someone at least ten times better! And ten times bigger!

_Miss Dorothy! _

At once, all of Chazz's fantasies of Alexis in French maid dresses and pop star outfits flushed out of his ears like runny syrup, and fantasies of _Dorothy _in all those plus-sized dressings replaced them! She was passing by with boxes in her thick arms.

Didn't take him long to dash over to the lunch lady (tripping over himself along the way), and jump in her path. "Why, Miss Dorothy! Why are you hurting yourself with those big, horrible boxes?"

"Oh, hello, Chazz! Just taking the new shipping of cards to the shop!"

He would hear no more. He seized the whole load out of her arms and proceeded to bear it for her, even though it almost bent him completely in two. "L-Lemme do it!" he grunted. "I couldn't bear the thought of your pulling something!" _Unless you're pulling my Dragon. _

She smiled warmly at him. "What a nice young man you are! Thank you! But are you sure you can carry all that by yourself?"

"Nothing is impossible for the Chazz! By the way, did I mention how--oomph!--lovely you look this afternoon?" So they went on, leaving a certain principal ten feet behind. He had four boxes in his arms.

"Huh? That's strange. _I'm _supposed to help Dorothy with the shippings. Oh, let it go, Sheppard. Chazz is just trying to be nice...although it is rather difficult to imagine Mr. Princeton being a nice boy."

* * *

For the whole rest of the day, that crazy lovesick fool Chazz followed Dorothy around the shop as the little lamb followed Mary to school. If she needed to sort the booster packs in alphabetical order, he would do that without even letting her say otherwise. If she needed to dust the shelves, he would do that, with his own jacket, and even wax the floor for a bonus! If she needed to feed Pharoah, whom she took to raising like a baby, he would check his special cat formula to see if it was warm enough and bottle-feed him. He appointed himself as her servant! And this was definitely not like him, for he'd always preferred to be the one being served.

Of course, Sheppard followed Chazz just as closely. He didn't like to think that he was acting out-of-character just to woo his lady; he was just a student, after all! But the way he kept saying how pretty she was, or the way he ogled at her Marshmallons, began to make him feel distinctly uncomfortable. Only _he _could do those things to Dorothy! Besides, weren't there hundreds of girls his own age on the campus to ogle at?

He happened to be just behind Chazz when the young one, giving into temptation, reached out and poked her on her big behind! Yelping, she whirled around and glared at Sheppard.

"Why, you!" She struck him on his bald forehead with her two fingers.

"Ow! I didn't do it! Not this time, at least."

"Please, honey, not in front of Chazz," she scolded with a whisper, and went on. Now the two men locked in a hostile, spark-inducing stare, realizing the situation.

"Princeton, I don't know what your problem is, but go chase some skirts your own age! Stay off of Dorothy!"

"Oh yeah, old man? She likes me better than you, and you know it! I'm young, I'm hot, I'm rich, I'm sensitive! Plus, I've got all my hair! You're so fat that you oughta quit being a principal and enter the sumo wrestler circuit, under the heaviest class they got!"

Well, how DARE he! "What? Why, I oughta--" He raised his fist, but could do nothing more with it. It was simply not in his nature to beat up students, not even the obnoxious lechers that moved in on his girlfriend. Be it another principal, like Chancellor Foster, he'd knock him into next season! But not students.

Little did he know that three tiny Ojama monsters were raiding his back pocket, under Chazz's orders, to snatch a tiny black box from it. They staggered to the left, then to the right, with the box over their heads.

_"Boss! Boss! We got the box!" _chirped Ojama Yellow.

_"But what'd you want us to get it for?" _piped Ojama Green.

_"Is it for that hot lady?" _purred Ojama Black.

"Ssssh! Just put it in my pocket, you numbskulls!" Chazz hissed.

"Who're you talking to?"

"Ah, you're right, Sheppard. Thank you for pointing out the error of my ways. Now, if you excuse me, I hafta...um...go to the bathroom!" Chazz shuffled off sideways like a crab, hands sprawled over his back pockets, and an exceedingly devious smirk sprawled over his face.

* * *

Three hours later, the time came to close shop. The time also came to drop the straw that'd break Sheppard's back. Dorothy had just put the keys in the door, when Chazz zipped in from out of the blue.

"Miss Dorothy, Miss Dorothy! Are you closing shop already?"

Still believing that Chazz was a nice young man, she smiled. "Yes, actually. You've been a real help today, Chazz. Oh, I haven't thanked you yet, have I? Hang on, I think I might have a free booster pack--"

He held up a hand to silence her. "You don't need to pay me with cards, my lady!" Dorothy raised her eyebrows curiously. What duelist would refuse a booster pack?

"You can thank me some other way, though!" Before she knew it, Chazz was on one knee, taking a hold of her thick hands. "Even though it's only been a day since I've noticed how sweet and gracious...and hot you really are..."

"Er, hot?"

"...I've felt a special connection between us. The kind that can only be found in true love!" Even though his face gradually blotched out into a vivid pink shade, he kept staring at her, stars in his charcoal-black eyes and grinning like a crazy lovesick fool.

Sheppard hid around the corner and watched this, trembling like a volcano just before it erupts. His blood boiled like magma.

But it only got worse. Chazz reached into his pocket...and pulled out a _tiny black box! _When he clicked it open, a plus-sized ring crowned with a fat, white diamond shimmered under the twilight, casting a zillion rainbows!

"Miss Dorothy, how would you like to become _Mrs. Princeton?" _

_WHAAAAAAT?! Just where did he get a--my box...it's gone! Why, that no-good, conniving, girlfriend-stealing bastard of a Jinzo! I don't care if he's a student! _With thick clouds of smoke spouting from his ears, Sheppard charged out of his hiding place like a Battle Ox seeing red! Too bad that he only got six feet before he tripped and landed on his face. On the other hand, his round girth helped break his fall.

Chazz and Dorothy turned their heads, surprised and astonished. "Oh, dear! Sheppard! Are you all right?" She rushed to his side to help him up, but he tried to get up himself. You could see at least five veins beginning to bulge from all over his bald head.

"Mr. Princeton, drop the ring!"

"No way! Get your own!"

"_You _get _your_ own! You're rich, aren't you?"

"Boys, boys, calm down! I may not know just what is going on, but for heaven's sake--"

Sheppard stood up and beat his chest. "Princeton, I want you to duel me! We'll settle this once and for all!" The younger one more than readily accepted, setting the box by his feet. Sensing a duel coming on, though not sure what for, Dorothy ambled behind the corner of the store and came back with Sheppard's duel disk.

"Thank you, sweetie. Now stay back!" The principal unlocked his duel disk.

Chazz's knuckles whitened as much as his anger. As far as he was concerned, only _he _had the right and privilege to call the lady "sweetie", as well as other things! But this was an old fat guy, regardless of his position. Surely this wouldn't take very long. Overhead from out of the blue, a cockatoo fluttered, struggling with a duel disk in its talons. The poor thing looked like it was ready to pass out from all the weight! Finally, it squawked, _"Rawgh, screw it", _and clonked the disk on Chazz's bean before flying off in the opposite direction, losing several of its white feathers in the process.

_"OW! _D'ooooh, I hate birds! Almost as much as I despise old fat guys who try stealing your wife-to-be! Time to Chazz you up, loser! The sooner I do that, the sooner I can Chazz Dorothy up!" Words of wisdom: _NEVER _call your principal a loser, much less mention how you're going to Chazz up his girlfriend.

So, the duel commenced. Unfortunately, because the writer was so danged lazy and because she feared losing her audience's concern for what was really important (namely, the romance), she neglected to write out the first half of it, although this story was supposed to be in the _Yu-Gi-Oh! GX _category, therefore including it would've only made sense. But she didn't neglect to note that Chazz actually did gain the upper hand. Now he had Ojama King, juiced up to 3000 Attack Points by the card combo of Ojamuscle and Ojama Trio as a baseball player would be on steroids (no names shall be mentioned), with all of his 4000 Life Points.

Sheppard, on the other hand, was stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no monsters and hanging by a tiny string of 100 Life Points. How could this happen? He was the freaking principal, and the former master of Cyber-style! Getting beaten by a lousy student was just...not canon! Unless, of course, this student was Zane Truesdale, who seemed to be perpetually P.M.S.-ing nowadays, but God forbid anyone ever speak of that little incident.

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Face it, old man! Dorothy needs a _real _man to take care of her! Somebody who's actually got some spark, and all his hair! Can I hear an amen on that?" Dorothy, being the sweet old lady she was, shook her head and smiled, still believing that he was only playing. Only the Ojama spirits popped up from behind his head and shrieked, _"Amen!" _

_"Triple-Ojama amen!" _added Ojama Yellow, his two eyestalks stuck in the ring.

Suddenly, Sheppard's bald head glowed like a lightbulb! There was still hope to win this duel yet! "Er, c-could you hang on a sec? I need a quick bite of something!"

Chazz tapped his foot impatiently. "You're hungry already? No wonder you've got a belly the size of all of Duel Academy! I just hope you're not talking about eating Miss Dorothy's--"

"Salad? Yes, actually, I am. Honey?"

"Right away!" Back around the corner she dipped, to return with a spork and giant paper plate of salad. But not just any salad; no, this...was...

_Spinach salad! With no dressing! _

She helped her true, canon boyfriend up and handed him his requested dish.

"Thank you, Dorth! Now, stand back! Things are about to get heavy!" He wolfed down the entire leafy thing as though he were a one-bug locust storm! While using his spork, of course. Wouldn't want to leave a bad impression, would he? Chazz watched him eat, about ready to pop a vessel. Spinach salad? How dumb! If he ate those, why was he so fat, then?

He ended up regretting this thought. For when the jealous principal finished and politely wiped his mouth with a napkin, he felt his muscles puff up at least five times their regular size! Just for the heck of it, he flexed them in every which way you can flex your muscles in fifteen seconds before drawing a card. What luck! He'd drawn the arguably most overused card in the history of dueling: Pot Of Greed! Which he played straightaway, to gain two extra cards!

And these two cards happened to be...

_Cyber Ogre and Polymerization! _The salad had worked! In a strange, indirect and plothole-like kind of way. Since he already had a Cyber Ogre in his hand, he knew what must be done!

"Okay, Chazz! No more fooling around! I play the Spell Polymerization, so that I may fuse the two Cyber Ogres in my hand and summon..._Cyber Ogre-2!_" At his word, a giant, metallic beast materialized behind him, growling like an armored tank and armed with 2600 Attack Points! Now the boys both had two monumental monsters staring each other down!

But this was not the end of his turn: "And guess what special ability he has, Princeton? When I attack with it, I can increase its Attack Points by half of the number of Attack Points of its target!" Duelists tend to have a keen sense with numbers, which is useful for calculating that they've won...or that they were screwed.

**_3000 / 2 equals 1500; 1500 + 2600 equals 4100; 4000 - 4100 equals defeat. _**

"Cyber Orge! Attack Ojama King and blast that girlfriend-chaser right out of the water! Spinach Overload!"

So the Ogre attacked in the best way it knew how: by taking a single spinach leaf, using the gleam on its skin to set it on fire as a child would with a magnifying glass, and throwing it at Ojama King's feet. The monster went up in flames instantly.

_FWOOOOSSSSHH! _

_"HAAAAAWWW! Fire, fire! Stop, drop, roll! Stop, drop, roll! Stop, drop, roll!" _Unfortunately, in the process, the shrieking Ojama rolled right over a stunned Chazz, and went _KA-BLOOEY, _right then and there. In just a blink, the poor Slifer rebel shot higher and higher into the sky like a rocket, all wrapped up in smoke and desperately screaming his frazzled hair off:

_"DOROTHY, DON'T FORGET ABOUT MEEEEEEE!"_

His Ojamas flew right behind him, dropping the diamond ring to the ground, which Sheppard wasted no time in picking it up. He held it up as if it were a trophy.

"Aw, yeah, baby! I've still got it! I have just Shepparded _you _up! Go Sheppard! Go Sheppard! It's your birthday! It's your birthday! FOOL!"

"But what about Chazz?" asked Dorothy fearfully. "I think he just left the atmosphere!"

"Oh. Um, he'll be back, honey. What comes up, must come down, you know! Come on, let's go to my office. I need to ask you about something." Without letting her say anymore, he picked her up bridal-style and marched off, feeling as though he was on top of the mountain.

Over yonder, on the bridge, Sara Scinner watched Chazz soar into the sunset. Her cockatoo Silpheed stayed perched on her head. She shook her head sympathetically. "Wowie, Silph! Looks like the lonesome loser is blasting off again!"

Her bird only tapped her on the forehead three times with his beak: _Tap-tap...TAP! _

**_END (?)_**


	2. Epilogue

**_Disclaimer:_ I do not own any/ all characters featured in this segment. I rent. They all belong to Kazuki Takahashi. **

**Wait! Before you go, there's more! Aren't you wondering, what became of old Chazz? **

* * *

Chazz flew straight across the ocean for almost three hours, his face blue from having wailed in defeat for so long. Even his Ojamas grew weary from listening to him, and usually _they _were the ones who did the pitiful caterwauling.

_"Jeez, Boss! It's a wonder that you haven't gotten hoarse, yet!" _Ojama Black exclaimed, his short stout fingers stuck in his invisible ears.

_"Yeah! Why do you think we sound funny?" _said Ojama Yellow and Green.

_"WAAAAAAAHHHHH--_because I'm the Chazz, and I don't get hoarse--_AAAAAAHHHH!" _When he noticed that the air was growing increasingly nippy, and that a familiar glacial island stretched out below him, he shrieked even harder, flailing his limbs this way and that. Actually, he always sounded hoarse, whether he was screaming or answering a question, but if you'd ever meet him, you probably wouldn't want to tell him that.

Suddenly, he realized that he had stopped, just hovered in mid-air for about five seconds...over a large, worn, fortress-like structure. Why, he was dangling two hundred feet over his old school, North Academy!

"Uh-oh..._AAAAAAHHH!" _Down, down, down he plummeted into the main building like a comet, crashing into the two-foot-thick brick rooftop! That's an accomplishment all by itself!

**_BOOOOOOMM!_**

Chazz dangled halfway through the hole, wheezing from all the smoke and debris, and hot steam. For you see, he hadn't crashed into just _any _ordinary room! Fate decided to be a sadistic mistress (or was it really the writer?), and drop him into North Academy's hot spring. Where well over half of the student population sat around naked in hot water, with their principal, Foster, among them.

"Oh, thank the King of Games that that's over with...huh? **_DAAAAAAAAAHHH!_**"

All eyes were on the boy stuck in the ceiling. **_"WHOOOOOOAAAA!" _**

Chazz tried to cover his eyes. It's one thing for a guy to see a bunch of girls naked. But seeing a bunch of _other guys _naked in one giant room...that just isn't right!

"You guys! The Chazz has come back!"

"So it's true! When you love something, set it free!"

"And if it comes back, it was meant to be!" Excited to see their old champ back, all the boys got up to greet him, completely neglecting the fact that they were butt-naked. Well, maybe not entirely butt-naked. Fat icicles were drawn in to censor the, er, controversial material out.

"Ugh! You guys, stop! You're naked! Somebody, get me outta here!" Above him, the Ojamas tried to help by pulling him up by the boots. Too bad that they were nothing compared to the Ojama King, with their scrawny arms and tight swimwear.

_"We're tryin', Boss!" _

_"My, you've gained a couple of pounds, haven't ya?" _

_"I'm chafing!" _

Principal Foster pushed the nude crowds aside and grinned at the lad. "Why, Chazz! How phenomenal it is to see you again! At the bottom of my heart, I always knew you'd come back to us!"

"Put a towel on or something, old man! Please!" At that, Chazz immediately found himself slowly, slowly slipping out of the hole. The Ojamas couldn't pull him out, so they'd decided to bounce on his skinny butt until he fell through. It worked.

_KER-SPLASSSSHH! _

Chazz resurfaced from the four-foot-deep spring, soaked to the marrow like a boiled potato and downright miserable.

"Hey, we can't have a hole in the roof! All the heat will escape from it! Syd, go call the Czar to fix that hole, will you?" He wrapped a thick, tanned arm around Chazz. "Now that we've got you back, son, we can go ahead and discuss the plans for the next school duel! I can't wait to see the look on that pot-bellied Sheppard's face when I take that sweet Miss Dorothy back with me--"

Just then, Chazz felt his left eye twitch, but not because of everyone's nakedness, this time. Was this whole world filled with old fat men who wanted that lady to pull their Dragons as much as he did? Sheppard had just blasted him a kajillion miles away from her with practically no way of getting back! He didn't need anymore competition!

But instead of challenging Foster to a duel, he simply kneed him where it hurt the most and waddled right out of there like a drenched bat out of hell, shoving his ex-classmates out of the way! Sometimes, a good kneeing is all you really need.

"Hang on, Dorothy! I'm coming for ya, baby! Now, let's see if I can remember where the keep the subs in this place..."

Foster kneeled in the hot spring, hands over his injury and cringing. "Ch-Chazz, come back! Men, don't let him get away!" Before you'd know it, every last one of those boys scampered right after him, still forgeting that they were naked!

While the whole parade ran the Naked Mile out in the snow, Atticus clung to the tippy-top of an ice hill several hills over, with a circle of logs waiting for him at the base. He had a mustache on and his hair tied back, in hopes of escaping the law. But he had been cornered by an angry log-mob, accused of abducting their log leader (just what were logs doing up in a frozen wasteland, anyways?). Even though they never actually made an attempt to retrieve him, he hung on and trembled, afraid to come down and be splintered to death.

"Ah, me no speaky English! Me not even know what log is! C-Come on! Me no witch! Me certainly never killed no one...oooh..."

* * *

**_END! _**

**_Well, that was a pretty abrupt ending, wasn't it? SHAME ON ME! _**


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